More waiting, more worry

After another 4 weeks of waiting on results I finally heard from the hospital on Friday. It wasn't the news I was hoping for. My case has been referred again to the board of consultants & they'll be discussing my results at their monthly meeting on Thursday. It's an odd feeling knowing that something is out of your hands & that whilst you're sat at work going about my daily routine there are strangers in a room at Southend Hospital discussing what will be happening for my imminent future. 
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really worried and hadn't had a few sleepless nights in recent days plus I'm letting the slightest thing get on top of me. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm in really good hands & I that I'm actually very lucky. 

Onwards to the marathon training & with my fundraising now being over £3200 every pound that comes in really does spur me on. So anyone who may be reading this who has donated, thank you, it means so much to me & the charities. 

Touch wood my foot injury is now starting to ease off a little & after doing as I've been told and getting back into the training slowly, I'm now starting to get back on track. Tomorrow I'm aiming for 75 minutes as a short run & if I can accomplish that without stopping or having any pain in the foot then I'll be delighted & really feel like the marathon can be achieved! I'll have my full running confidence back. 

A bad day at the office

I've read on a number of running forums that most runners have a really bad training run before a big event, well mine was today! 

I've been feeling pretty exhausted over the past few weeks from a mixture of worry about results from the hospital, too many early morning runs, arranging fundraising events & generally doing too much with very little down time, so when the alarm went off this morning I just wasn't feeling it.

 

My good friend Dan was texting me about to do his insanity workout & he encouraged me to just go out there & run! 

I got dressed & ready to go feeling much more positive. My training plan wanted a 120 minute run which is a time I've completed a couple of times now so it wasn't like I had to really push myself to the limit - I thought! 

The weather has been horrendous lately with storms & as I run alone the seafront, it's very open to the elements & today's nemesis was wind!! 

We've been battered by these winds for days now & it's getting harder to run in them, today was no exception & worst than any of the other days. I was running into the wind & it might as well have been making me run backwards, it was awful & I used up so much energy just trying to put one foot in front of the other. 

About an hour into the run I became really emotional, all the negative thoughts in my head telling me I couldn't do it and the panic about the marathon being in only 9 weeks had literally hit me like a truck. I just sobbed. 

I kept running but with the wind, the emotion & the pain in my foot (which is always looming) I just couldn't continue. I stopped to catch my breath and stretch out my foot & that seemed to help for a few minutes. 

I decided to start heading for home & the though of a nice warm bath got me through another 30 minutes of very slow running. 

That was me done, 1hour30minutes & I couldn't do another step. It really was the worst run I've done both physically & emotionally. 

I got home feeling very deflated & frustrated with myself. 

It's left me feeling pretty low all day & thinking about what I could have done differently. 

I guess I have to put it down to experience & know that if I've hit a rock bottom run it can only get better. 

I have the osteopath tomorrow so fingers crossed the foot will be fixed & I can get back on it from Tuesday! 

Only 9 weeks to go & I really need to make them count! 

Another milestone

I've been beaming from ear to ear all day after completely half marathon distance on my training run this morning! I managed to complete it in 2hours 9 minutes which I was really pleased with. 

This is the longest I've ever run and if anyone had told me a year ago I'd be running anywhere near that amount I'd have laughed.

I have a foot injury too so that made the run all the more difficult & I've been struggling with my legs hurting since I finished the run but the main thing is I completed it! 

Plenty of stretching & ice being applied now! 

I picked up a new water belt at a local running shop yesterday which came in so handy. It has four small bottles attached so I can carry water & sports drinks with me at the same time, making a huge difference! It was really nice to have my hands free from carrying a bottle too. 

The best is elasticated so doesn't move around like most running belts as you're on the move. 

My latest running aid is banana chips! I now take a packet on every long run. I have a couple before I set off as I find it hard to eat anything much before a long run. Then after around an hour I eat a couple more & again just before 2 hours to give me that final boost! I suppose it's each to their own & now I've found this works for me I haven't looked back! 

I'd love to hear your running tips for hydration & boosting your run! 

Morning view

When I went out for my morning run today the sun was just coming up so I stopped for a few minutes to take in the view! 

Sometimes I feel very lucky to be able to run with such lovely scenes & it makes me feel really inspired & motivated! 

A thought

Motivation

Titanium by David Guetta was on the radio this morning and the words really stuck with me so I've made it my new Powersong for the end of my long training runs. 
These words in particular are going to spur me on

I think I've mentioned before that my other Powersong is Firework by Katy Perry. Would be interested to hear what your motivational songs are. 

Back to the plan

Last Thursday I returned to the hospital for another colposcopy, this time they took four biopsies which I wasn't expecting and knocked me for six, both physically and mentally. It's now the usual drill, wait four weeks for the results. 

Throughout the recovery my main concern - as well as my health - was getting back to my marathon training. Missing days of training can really affect your plan and although I'm a few days ahead of where I should be I really didn't want to suddenly be on the back foot. 

After resting - as much as is possible for me to rest - for a couple of days, I got back out running this morning. It was just great to be back! 

The weather is quite cold at the moment but despite that and the fog, I just focused on the bigger picture and ploughed on through. 

I'm suffering a little now from the pain but knowing I've got back to it is a huge boost. And keeping in mind that I'm healthy and will be back out there pounding the pavements tomorrow is also keeping me motivated. 

It does make me really admire people with more serious injuries and health problems that also train for and finish marathons, how do they even do that?

 

I heard from a colleague at the weekend that he trained for a marathon in 2 weeks!! I've been training already for four months and feel no where near ready! (He did say he couldn't walk for weeks after though so guess that's not a good idea!) 

The other real bonus and motivation for me this week has been reaching my £3000 target! 

We raised £1500 at a work fundraising day on Saturday and with the money already donated I am delighted that the target has been reached. 

Never one to shy away from a challenge, I've now decided to increase the target to £5000! With 11 weeks to go until the marathon I know it's achievable & can't wait to hand over cheques for so much money to my two charities! 

Thank you to everyone who continues to keep me motivated & committed to raising money for amazing causes.