A Positive Mind

Those of you who read my blog regularly may recall the health struggles I went through about 18 months ago. I was being treated for cervical abnormalities and due to the amount of treatment I received was told that conceiving a baby naturally would be tough and the chances of giving birth naturally at full term would be even slimmer. 

18 months on and 5 months pregnant I went off to the hospital this week to find out how much of my cervix had recovered and the plan for giving birth to Baby. Simon & I had already settled on the fact that we were lucky enough to conceive so quickly, we would probably be told to have an elective c-section. This wouldn't be so bad, as long as baby is happy and healthy afterall.
For me the hospital trip would just be a formality to confirm this. 

Amazingly my scans have all come back clear and my cervix is in really good shape, the scar tissue has healed and my consultant is really pleased with my progress, they thought this type of recovery would take a lot longer especially with the strain now of a baby. 
They're putting this down to me keeping fit and healthy over the past 18 months, well I did run a marathon!! I'm putting it down to a positive outlook on our part, reflexology on a regular basis, some healing and a lot of luck!

So as long as baby plays ball, I will be able to experience giving birth naturally. Some of you may be thinking 'is she mad?', 'why would you want to?', well I suppose it's one of those times when if something is taken away from you, you feel like you're missing out, now I've been given that opportunity back, I want to experience it! 
(Of course come August and going into labour this could be a completely different story!) 

I wanted to share this firstly to give others in a similar position hope of a positive outlook and to show that if you put your mind to something and you work hard then eventually little miracles do happen! 

Dressing like a Princess!

Kate Middleton is my style icon! She looks fantastic in everything she wears and I particularly follow what she wears on royal visits and charity dinners. I regularly see that everything she wears will sell out in minutes and generally these items are completely out of my price range. 

Since she's been pregnant with her second baby and as you know I'm pregnant as well, I've been keeping my beady eyes on her maternity wardrobe. 
Again, most items I couldn't afford, that is until last week when she stepped out in an ASOS dress!
As always she looked fabulous, of course it helps that she's radiating the pregnancy glow, a pregnancy symptom that I seem to have missed altogether. Within minutes I tried to buy the dress and it was already sold out, well of course it would be, it is a bargain at £35!
Thinking I had no chance I gave up. 

The following day my friend Gemma had a look and weirdly enough they had just added a couple of the dresses  in my size! It's fate, Gemma jumped on it and quickly ordered me one. Minutes later they were sold out again. How lucky was that?! 

The dress arrived yesterday and it's lovely, as it's maternity there is plenty of room for bump to grow into. It'll look lovely with a pair of wedges in the summer and is very flattering to all your other pregnancy lumps and bumps! 

Finally I own something that Kate also does! I wonder what will be the next item I add to my maternity clothing collection...

Maternity Wear

I've come to the conclusion that maternity wear is generally not fashionable. 

It's ill-fitting especially if you're either really short or really tall. Being quite tall I find it difficult to buy trousers at the best of times but being pregnant it's almost impossible. Very few places sell tall maternity trousers. Another spring favourite of mine are midi dresses but the maternity ones all come up too short so just above my now chubby knees, not a good look for the spring! 

I am not a fan of leggings at all and never really have been. Over the winter and in recent weeks I've been living in them for work with dresses as they're comfortable but then at the weekends I just want to wear something different and more appropriate for my age. 

It's hard to not feel like a frump especially when you start to show as I'm realising this past few weeks. I still want to wear skinny jeans and nice dresses but I realise I have an ever growing bump to wear. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I now have a desire to wear a tent! 
I also don't have the bank balance (or figure!) of Kate Middleton who just seems to carry off maternity clothing effortlessly! I begrudge spending a fortune on clothes that I'm only going to wear for another few months. 

Luckily my very dear friend Caroline has loaned me a lot of her maternity clothes which is really helping me at the moment and fortunately someone recommended the New Look Maternity Jeggings, these do come in longer legs and actually fit really nicely. I feel I may be living in these as they're great to dress up with wedges or dressing down with sandals or flip flips. 

I'd love to hear about your recommendations for maternity wear or any tips! 

Hormonal Nightmare

Over the past few weeks my hormones have been a nightmare. 

I snap at the slightest of things, no one can do right for doing wrong and I'm an emotional wreck! 

When I first became pregnant and read about hormones and all these stories about hormonal mums-to-be I thought 'oh that'll never be me, I could never be that bad' - wrong! I really can be and before you think you won't be either, think about how bad you are with PMT and treble it! 

Given that a lot of the time I have every reason to get snappy, sometimes I wonder if I am just over-reacting. For example, this morning we woke up to no hot water, I had to go to work and leave Simon to deal with it, by lunchtime the agency hadn't sent anyone round or called Simon with a time, Mr Laid-back was quite OK with this, me on the other hand launches into a fit or rage 'it's not on, I need hot water, they need to pull their fingers out'. A very un-happy Clare! 
In my hormonal rage I'm not sure if this is justified or not but it really highlighted to me my very short fuse at the moment. You have all been warned! 

The crying is also an issue, I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and over the slightest thing. I'm not normally an emotional person, well not visibly anyway but pregnancy has put a stop to that. I was crying the whole way through Comic Relief on Friday and when watching One Born Every Minute I was a blubbering mess even though I'd spent the whole episode moaning about how the parents were acting so had no emotional ties with them at all. As soon as that baby popped out I was crying Gazza style! 

Short fuse definitely describes me this week and no doubt for a few weeks to come. Good luck to everyone around me, that's all I can say...

Second Trimester Heaven

After a very long 3 months of nausea, painful breasts, fatigue, lack of appetite and trying to hide an expanding waistline, I'm now 3 weeks into the second trimester and finally feeling human again. 
The nausea has subsided, I have more energy and I'm so hungry I have to stop myself from eating, don't get me wrong though the painful breasts remain! 

During the first trimester I didn't believe anyone who told me that it'd get easier and I'd be feeling myself soon enough, it just felt like it was never-ending. Now I'm actually on the other side, it's crazy the difference a few weeks makes. My hair is finally less greasy and now 'the secret' is out I can wear whatever clothes I want and not worry too much about my expanding stomach (which is probably smaller than I think but in my head I feel like I'm carrying around a football!). 

I was able to go out at the weekend and be out past 8pm without feeling sick and falling asleep which was a joy and pleased Simon too. We can now finally have a social life back and start planning days out without thinking about the nearest facilities in case I'm unwell or having to make excuses for eating as I couldn't stand the smell or sight of food! 

My family now know what I look like again and I was even able to muster one of my favourite meals last week - mum's home cooked roast!  

Heartburn is my biggest irritant at the moment, oh and my mood swings which I'm sure my family and Simon would agree with. 
My friend Caroline gave me a good tip for heartburn - Love Hearts - so I've been stocking up on those and eating a few after most meals. It absolutely works so even though I've never been a fan, I'd rather that than the constant indigestion.   

Mood swings aren't as bad as I've been led to believe, yet!! Although I'm sure Simon would disagree, the main problem is my short fuse. My colleague and Friend, Gemma can be testament to this. For the most part of this week in the office people have just got on my nerves, no one seems to do their jobs properly and everyone is out to frustrate me. 

Onto the positive, feeling better is a blessing, it means I can look forward to weekends and enjoy time with my friends and family, plus I can enjoy being pregnant. It's such a wonderful time for any women to go through and I'm now going to focus on the positives. 

A lovely surprise

After another terrible nights sleep and listening to Simon battle a cold at 3am, I got into work feeling a little out of sorts. This mood quickly changed when I was met with an unexpected Amazon package!
One of my lovely neuroscientist colleagues had sent me the gift of two baby books. Trish has spoken to me earlier in the week and after joking that I'd forgotten something and putting it down to 'baby brain' she really has educated me in 'baby brain'. 

The first amazing fact I learnt about baby is that he/she is producing over 3000 neurones per second! Wow, it's no wonder I'm tired with all of that going on in my body. 

This sort of information fascinates me, so many of the books/blogs and apps I've read so far have been about feelings and top level developments in baby, so it's really refreshing to hear about all these little things happening with baby. It doesn't just come with a fully functioning brain, it develops, the way mum reacts creates triggers for baby. So how to we recognise these triggers and set 'good' ones? 

The two books 'Brain rules for baby' & 'The Psychology of Babies' are completely different yet follow the first few months/years of babies life even when still in the womb to talk about raising a happy baby and how you as a parent can influence this. 

I literally couldn't wait to start reading and had to seek help from Alex in which to read first! I'll be keeping you posted on all the facts I'm learning but here's the first one that blew my mind - babies brain is currently pumping out nerve cells at a rate of 8000 per second! 

I'd love to hear if you have any interesting baby facts that aren't readily available. 

A Partners Role

During the first few months of pregnancy your partners role is crucial. It's a really scary time for parents-to-be, probably the most worrying you'll ever go through. Talking from experience now I know that there's no way I could have been strong enough to get through the past few months without the love and understanding of Simon, my partner. I've also realised it's not all about the mum.

Seeing those 2 blue lines come up on a stick can instantly change your life. As a mother you may have experienced some mild symptoms but as a father there is nothing, you have to trust that little white stick and the feelings of your partner that the little being that you helped make is growing (and fast!). 

I know from many conversations with Simon that at times he's felt really out of the loop with my pregnancy. He's often said when I'm laying awake at 3am not able to get comfortable that he wishes he could take on some of the symptoms. It's such a huge change for anyone to go through but when you're the Dad you're almost watching this all go on from another perspective. Dad's have all the same worries, is baby OK in there, is mum sleeping enough/eating well/exercising, what can I do to help, can we afford this baby. It's a minefield. 

From the stories I've read on the Baby Centre community some partners are really not supporting the mother of their child at all and this is really sad. Pregnancy is such a wonderful experience (albeit the constant nausea and tiredness are not so great!) so why wouldn't you want to share it. 

I probably share way too much with Simon, especially when I'm waking him up in the early hours for a chat because I'm bored and can't get to sleep. But it's all part of it, if I am going to be up and he wants to feel part of it all then why shouldn't I include him. 

I've relied heavily on Simon for taking on more duties around the home, something that was really tough for me to do at the beginning. I pride myself on keeping a good home, having the fridge well stocked, making his lunch and ensuring our cupboards are full of clean clothes that when I suddenly realised I was just too tired to do that and couldn't function when I got in from work or couldn't cope with the smell of his chicken for lunch, it was particularly difficult to let go and let Simon take the lead. In more recent weeks though this has been a godsend and I'm so grateful for his support.

I consider myself extremely lucky to have a partner so keen to support me during this time and I'm sure it'll continue over the next six months. Although don't talk to me about him putting the washing on.... !!

Your News is Your News

Since Simon & I got our positive pregnancy test we were really clear about how we wanted to tell our immediate family. We asked our friend Kelly to make some plaques for us which announced our news! This is such a lovely keepsake and great for the family to open up. 

Some of our wonderful family receiving the news!

When it came to telling the rest of our friends and family we were certain we wanted to wait until we had our dating scan. A few close friends learnt the news due to my ill health in the first few weeks and I'd like to thank them now for their support especially when I was so tired I could barely function. 
Personally I have found not telling people incredibly difficult especially those friends & family I see on a regular basis. 
What's even harder though is when people start questioning if you are pregnant, it's happened to me on a few occasions and makes me really uncomfortable. This is also true when it comes to celebrities, there is always so many reports of 'is she pregnant?' 'she's wearing a baggy dress' 'she's not had alcohol so must be pregnant'. I now say 'Leave them alone', it's their news'. 
What I'm really clear about since experiencing this for myself is it's my news to tell. I'll tell you when I'm ready and if I've not told you yet there's a reason for that. 

In fairness I didn't realise how important this was until going through it for myself so I apologise now to any friends I may have interrogated in the past. 

I'm clear, your news is your news! It's yours and your partners to tell who and when you want. Don't be shy about lying if you want to keep your secret until you're ready. It's got to be right for you. 

If someone asks feel free to make up a reason for not drinking or you feeling under the weather. It'll all be forgotten and you'll probably get a lot of 'I knew it' comments when you do share you news but that's OK and it'll all be over shadowed by the amazing news you're sharing with them. Just make sure you tell people when it's right for you! 

I'd love to hear how some other parents-to-be told their families and friends?

A few good apps

There really is an app for everything!

Since finding out I am pregnant I've been Goggling away and found so many great blogs and websites just jam packed full of information but the most useful source I've found is a few key apps! 

My favourite app is Pregnancy+, once you complete all your details it gives you a day by day update on baby. Simon and I have been really excited every week learning about how big baby is compared to various fruits and what symptoms I'm about to get! It has some great interaction elements too so you can track your pregnancy. 

The photos of babies development are incredible & I'd thoroughly recommend this app to all expectant mums to be. 





Another app I've downloaded is BabyCentre UK, this doesn't show as much detail about baby as Pregnancy+ but it does have a great on-line community. You can join various forums, one which is with the other mums-to-be in your birth month. This is great and has really helped me over the past few months as all the mums are in the same boat and going through similar symptoms at the same time so it's really good to be feel like you're not on your own and symptoms are normal. 

The final app I've been using is Emma's Diary. This was recommended to me a few weeks ago so I've not entirely got to grips with it yet but it has a section for offers and money off which is great. One thing is for certain since finding our I'm pregnant I am always looking for a good bargain! 

I'd love to know about any apps, blogs or websites that you would recommend. 

And now for something entirely different...

Having not written on this blog for a while, I'm now about to tell you why...after my challenge last year of running the London Marathon, I'm having a slightly different marathon this year. I'm pregnant!! 

Baby Smurch is due at the end of August and me and Simon are completely over the moon. We found out just before Christmas and shared the news with our immediate family on Christmas Day which was just the most wonderful experience. Naturally all of our family are delighted and very happy for us. 

Since Christmas Day it's been the longest month of symptoms (I'll speak more about that later!), trying to wear baggy clothes (yes I'm showing already!) and avoiding family and friends so we don't give the game away. 
Lucky for me it's been during January and nobody really wants to go out then anyway. 

But on Thursday we had our long awaited dating scan and after telling the rest of our family and friends can now share our news with the world! 

We had a bit of a scare at week 7 when I ended up in hospital as they suspected an ectopic pregnancy so we got a sneaky look at baby then. It was the most worrying time but after seeing babies little heart beat on the screen it was also a huge relief! 

I've decided to use my blog as a diary for our pregnancy and hope that it will also help other mums-to-be during what I have found is one of the most worrying times of your life! It's also very scary and you spend your life on Google searching if symptoms are actually expected and if you are 'normal'! I'm sure that there are plenty of answers out there but the world of pregnancy for a first time mum is a minefield! 

So as I embark of a new and different sort of 'training plan', I'd also welcome any comments you have when reading my posts. It'd be great to hear others experiences too!